“The worst thing to be feared is the fear itself”.
I’m a coward. But now I’m trying to be brave in presenting to you my shallow philosophical view on the things and the causes of my fear. But before my knees shake and be fearful that you may not recognize or like this simple speech, let me say to you some words. I would like you, my beloved listeners, to put away first and abolish all your presuppositions and preconceived judgment about the topic of fear. I’m requesting this so, because I want you to grasp and understand without any bias in your mind, what I’m going to impart to you. And please make me not fearful as I speak in front of you for I might not deliver every word as understandable as it must be. I rarely speak in front of a crowd because I don’t have the guts. I call that as a “simple fear”. Why do I say this so? I intended to include those stuffs because they may serve as the opening or the starting point of my presentation and explanation about my account on the things that I fear.
I have a gift – a gift of seeing things, which are unusual and which are beyond the reality of this world. It just came out like a natural phenomenon that comes and goes suddenly or abruptly. It may be a gift or an extra human power but for me it is something to be feared. It’s an abnormal thing and I don’t want to live in a different and unusual life. Maybe it can be called as an act of cowardice but it’s what I feel and you can’t take my fear away from me because it signifies me and it’s my nature. Having an extra sensory perception (ESP as it is commonly called), which is so powerful, and at the same time being fearful or afraid of having it, is somewhat a terrifying combination of two powerful aspects of feelings: both sensory and emotions. Why do I say that it is terrifying? It is my philosophy that I can’t live well or be so at ease if I have these things in me which I can’t accept or I even don’t like. It’s like the attitude of Socrates about intelligence: he has it, but he denies it and remains humble while performing greatly and putting all his effort in the line of philosophy. Well, we have a different case but more or less, the idea goes in one direction – the denying or unacceptance of the things that is existent in oneself.
In addition, this fear that I’m encountering is also due to lack of bravery (of course) and due to my powerful imaginations. Lack of bravery means being so weak and a “never going through” process or “I can’t do” manner. Having powerful imagination means, making the object as an issue of your own fear. Yes I can explain all of these things – from the gift of ESP to imaginations per se, but I’m still afraid. I know the means how to overcome this problem, but sometimes, the means are the ones that fear me and that lead me to be more fearful.
When, where, why, and how do I get fearful? I become afraid whenever I feel something uncanny, observe something that is unusual and see something that is extraordinary or someone who is no longer living. This means that I am a sensual and an emotional being. I can’t resist without light or pretend to be brave or strong even though my balls are shaking and my heart is fast beating because of the fear in the dark. I don’t want to be alone. Never will I be. And I get fearful because I can feel the things that are felt by extra-gifted people. I become fearful because I’m coward and I’m afraid to face the reality in me which sometimes leads me to question if it is really given by God – to see and feel unexplainable things. I don’t have this confidence of facing the reality and I don’t have the guts to conquer what I fear because when my nerves get loose and become so eerie, all the parts of my body agree with each other not to function and to surrender from going through that fear. Moreover, I get fearful through the idea that I might see weird things again the time I’m alone and experience unusual phenomenon through my strong and too sensitive senses. Practically all of my statements answer the questions given at the course of this discourse.
While I was formulating this shallow thought, I imagined that someone or something unusual is just beside me, that’s why I was in a hurry in synthesizing my thoughts. Anyway, I just continued thinking of the fear as a subject of my ideas and making it as a sign that I have a great existence. Truly, fearing the ghosts, seeing and experiencing them, my life became so different and unusual!
“The worst thing to be feared is the fear itself”.
(trying to practice in making essay and then delivering it as speech)
buboy said,
March 15, 2007 at 12:02 pm
conquer your fear!
trust in God, in yourself and in others!
we are greater then our own fears!